The SheEO Blog

Competition, all-girl groups and the case for single-sex schooling

Friday, May 04, 2012

I've been asked in the past whether single-sex schooling is appropriate in a gender balanced world, and being a co-ed kind of girl myself, I wasn't really sure. So I was interested to read the results of this new study which found robust differences between the competitive choices of girls from single-sex and coed schools. The study showed that adolescent girls were 16 percentage points more likely to enter a maze-solving tournament if they were in an all-female group, according to an experiment by Alison Booth and Patrick Nolen of the University of Essex in the UK and Australian National University. Read More

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Abbott’s nanny plan – can we all just calm down and get clear on the facts?

Friday, March 30, 2012

Ever since Tony Abbott, leader of the Opposition, announced his plan last weekend to consider an extension of the childcare rebate to include in-home carers – or nannies – there’s been a flurry of activity, criticism, misinformation and debate from politicians, journos and the general public. Perhaps it’s time we all took a deep breath and considered the reality of his proposition. Read More

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Alison commented on 30-Mar-2012 12:33 PM

Thank you thank you Jen! I'm so sick of politicians and the media telling me I'm a rich snob because a nanny would help me stay at work once my daughter is at kinder (which, unlike daycare, finishes at 3pm). Our family is squished into a tiny house and
it's touch-and-go whether it's worth it for me to go back to work at all. We're not rich, we're just trying to get by. I don't expect a hand-out from the government, but I do expect to make a financial contribution to society through taxes and use of my discretionary
income. I can't do this if childcare costs are prohibitive. And it might be my "choice" to have children, but I'm raising the next generation of taxpayers who will be supporting the ageing population (including retired pollies)!

Sharon commented on 02-Apr-2012 07:34 PM

Hi Jen Thanks for another great article. From personal experience I know the value of 'Nannies / Au pairs /In- house help'. As a single mum of three children aged 4, 7 and 9 I had to return to full time work to support my three children on my own. Each
morning I would drop my little ones to both a day care centre and a before school centre before commencing a full days work. At the end of the day I would be rushing to pick them up from the two centres by 6pm each night. Sometimes we would have to buy groceries
on the way home followed by the usual cooking, dinner, homework, baths and bed routine. It was exhausting and I was worried for my little ones suffering through long days for the rest of their school years. After 6 months I thought this can't continue and
decided to employ a live in au pair. Of course there was no government assistance for this and it just meant I had to work harder to make sure I could pay for the help that allowed my children to be at home. We were definitely NOT wealthy and it was out of
necessity that I worked long hours. I was paying taxes and contributing to society. If I used the before and after school care I would have received government assistance. I applaud any support that allows children to be cared for in their home.

Recognising mums of another stolen generation - Senate Committee releases Forced Adoption recommendations

Friday, March 02, 2012

Did you catch this week's Four Corners program on the forced adoption practices in Australia? (If you missed it, you can watch it on iView here - it's absolutely brilliant journalism by the FourCorners team.) The program covered the policies and practices relating to forced adoption in Australia and the tragic human impact of five decades of soul-destroying interventions of government and adoption agencies (read here: the churches). I admit to having a very sleepless night after watching it. Read More

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Q: I was also hoping you might have some advice on how to return to work and put children in care?

Friday, February 10, 2012

Q: I was also hoping you might advise how best to approach what is a bad situation - how do you suggest parents proceed when it comes time to return to work and put their child/ren in care? I realise there's no magic bullet but some good advice would help balance the depressing reality! Thanks, Karen Read More

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Paul Fordyce commented on 10-Feb-2012 05:29 PM

Pmf Legal http://www.pmflegal.com/blog/ offers a unique way for legal professionals to address these problems. See also my Group on LinkedIn "Legal Professionals "Unwanted" - Finding an Alternative Workplace" http://www.linkedin.com/groups/Legal-Professionals-Unwanted-Finding-Alternative-4245534?trk=myg_ugrp_ovr
. I am grateful for the blog from your site as raising issues of concern and interest that I have in common with you. I have put a lot of thought into addressing this typical problem and the solution is completely outside the box. It is a new solution which
is being implemented right now. I won't go into my views on why the modern workplace was not built for women - and no wonder they struggle to make it work for them if they begin a family.

Leah Gibbs commented on 14-Feb-2012 10:21 AM

Great post Jen and if you don't mind, might share this one with my job seekers. It really is hard to get a good flexible job. They do exist and are out there. There are also quite a few recruitment agencies that specialise in flexible employment such as
Priorites, Nine2Three, Seed Recruitment. Also niche job boards such as http://www.lifestylecareers.com.au, Mums At Work and Career Mums. Disclaimer: I run Lifestyle Careers. Have a great day Jen and I really enjoy your blogs

TheSheEO commented on 14-Feb-2012 01:20 PM

Of course, Leah, happy for you to share. You might wait and see what others add to the mix - always better than just one perspective... Jen :-)

Joanne commented on 14-Feb-2012 01:27 PM

Hmm just a question-those interview questions sound slightly discriminatory. I think the best route would be not to mention your children at all. I imagine employers don't ask the men how old their children are! It's none of their business and irrelevant
to your capability to do the job. Yes, it may affect your availability at times but this is something every employee with kids will face at some time or other & you can work it out when the time comes (preferably after your probationary period is over). I
think people work with their work to make it fit them once they are employed; I can't imagine anyone trying to manipulate it prior to being hired (with questions about childcare, etc.) Any HR questions should be addressed generally, what facilities are there
on site, etc. Also, if your first two interviews are unsuccessful; I'd try something different, a different route, different answers, etc for a third or fourth. Not if you don't want to of course but for those who have no other options!

TheSheEO commented on 14-Feb-2012 01:34 PM

Joanne you may be right... It would of course be possible to point out in an interview "I believe that's a discriminatory question that you wouldn't ask a male"... unfortunately that's probably going to go down like a bucket of lead in terms of progressing
to the next stage. Catch 22, perhaps?

Joanne commented on 28-Feb-2012 01:56 PM

Hi Jen, I thought the same and was trying to think of other scenarios to get around it-you could turn the question around and ask the interviewer: 'Oh, do you have kids?' Or simply; if they ask 'Do you have children?' just say 'Do you?' If kept innocent
and light-hearted they may get the drift without pointing out the obviously; I.e. 'We can always talk about our kids another time; what else does the job involve?' Or, I had another great thought; you could say 'Yes, they live with their father'. No need to
mention their father lives with you ;) According to sex discrimination act, they really shouldn't be asking those questions at all. Sex Discrimination Act 1984 Grounds of unlawful discrimination Sex, marital status, pregnancy, family responsibility (dismissal
only).

Do 90 percent of women still change their name on marriage?

Monday, January 23, 2012

In this post on Hoopla today, Lisa Linton shared her experiences in being a married woman who has retained her maiden name. As someone who has done the same (for many of the usual reasons mentioned in her article), it was bound to get my attention. But it was the comment that "that (there) is this unspoken pressure (whether we put it on ourselves or not) that prompts 90 percent of marrying women to change their name to their husband’s..." Linton reckons that "while we strive for equality in the workplace and kitchen, it seems the last thing to change is this archaic tradition." Read More

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Anonymous commented on 23-Jan-2012 07:55 PM

I thought the "progression" would have been that we can now choose...you are assuming that we would choose to keep the also patriachal title carried down from the male parent...seems just as archaic AND NO LESS LIBERATING!

Helen Wiseman commented on 23-Jan-2012 08:01 PM

At the age of 23 I got married and went with tradition. I changed my maiden name to my married name of Wiseman. I liked the new name although it took me a few months for the surname to feel a part of me. I would not have dreamt of keeping my maiden name
- it was just not the done thing and it seemed unromantic to not change my name. I used to enjoy practicing writing my new name before our wedding day! (hey, the Princess Diana style of romantic wedding was still in vogue back then). Well, seven years later
the divorce was finalised but although it didn't work out, my first husband was (and is) a fantastic man, a really beautiful person. We had many happy times, we shared many years together - I have always felt that these memories and what he brought to my life
were and continue to be worth honouring many years on. So I kept my married name. Although a secondary reason at that time, I was also busy growing my career and it was too much hassle to change it. Along came husband number 2 - this time I was 35 years old
and life was even more complicated still. It was simply too much hassle to change my surname again, and my first married name of Wiseman is what everyone knows me by professionally. I didn't keep my surname for feminist reasons, purely practical reasons. Luckily
my wonderful husband is a practical chappy himself and he never asked that I change my surname to his - too busy on his own stuff and more important things in life to worry about. But if he had felt that it was important to him to change my name, I would have
changed it. I would still change it now if he has an epiphany one day and decides after ten years of marriage that this is something that really matters to him. I would do this purely out of respect and love for him and not because of any kind of sense of
marital duty! As you can tell, I am not too attached to surnames (unless it was something really awful - my husband has a nice surname). Whilst I have strong views about the advancement of women, women having a seat at the table etc I believe that what surname
you decide to go with is a matter of personal choice and that there is a role for tradition if that is what you like. Of course, some women feel a pressure to change their surname when they don't want to - all I can do is share my experience. I am lucky that
I have never had an issue or challenge (that I am aware of) regarding my choice to keep my first married name whilst being married to hubby number 2. People see that we are comfortable with it and happy and it really does not concern me what people think of
it other than hubby. Notwithstanding that the decision to retain married surname number 1 was primarily driven from practicality, I do like the fact that I have retained something "tangible" from marriage number 1 as a way of honouring the man with whom I
shared twelve years of my adult life.

The SheEO commented on 23-Jan-2012 08:07 PM

Hi Anon no I'm not assuming anything. Though it's still more common for a child to take it's father's name in Australia, I do have friends where that's not the case, so I wouldn't assume. In my situation, I decided that if my child was a boy he would take
his father's surname; if it was a girl she would take mine. It was a boy - so he has his father's surname, and my surname as a middle name. Like I said, just curious.

The SheEO commented on 23-Jan-2012 08:11 PM

That's really interesting Helen, thanks for your comment. After all these years, I didn't know the story, and it's just so "you"! I remember my first marriage, I had discussed at length with my first husband that I would be keeping my name. After the marriage
(and before the divorce!) he went nuts - claiming he thought I meant I'd take his name as well as... so to keep the peace I hyphernated. It made it somewhat easier to drop his name off and just get back to mine after the divorce - but with very different circumstances
to yours, it still irks me that my early degree and professional qualifications were in that name... oh well, c'est la vie...

Melissa Watts commented on 24-Jan-2012 09:10 AM

This is a great article. I'm currently pregnant with my first child and my partner and I have chosen (about 5 years ago) not to get married. Thus I have never had the changing name issue. However we do have the issue of choosing a surname for our child.
My partner would like our children to have my surname, he feels awkward about the usual approach of them taking his surname purely because it's tradition. I don't mind them taking his surname, they have to have one so his is as good as any. I don't mind having
a different surname to my children (some women have suggested that's a good enough reason to get married and change my name.) I think regardless of the surname our children will be smart enough to work out who their parents are. I never realised how much of
an issue it was until now, people are naturally referring to my partner as my husband because I'm pregnant, and I'm constantly being asked about surnames.

Nikki White commented on 24-Jan-2012 09:50 AM

Hmmm I'm in the same boat as Helen... White is my married name to my ex-husband and it was just who I had become plus I liked the sound of it, it gave me the same surname as my kids and frankly once divorced I didn't care enough to change it. Besides the
fact that I wouldn't dream of going back to my maiden name. Now wedding discussions are happening with new man and I have been stuck in the dilemma of what to do. I have decided to go with another change... though it has been a big decision. I was concerned
about my brand that I had built based on my name however the reason for my decision is that I think it will be a good energy shift... base my name around love and not anger & resentment plus it's a good excuse to contact all my customers once the change occurs
:) Stay tuned for the re-brand!!

AW commented on 24-Jan-2012 10:13 AM

This debate seems to come up periodically, more so in the last few years I think. I got married 5 years ago and changed my name for three reasons. 1. I didn't really like my maiden name, anyway; 2. My father and I work in the same field and he is very
well known, so I was pleased to be able to forge my own path; 3. Coming from divorced parents, I was keen to have a symbolic sense of family to reflect the actual family we were creating. I think people are very keen to reinforce conformity to social norms.
In the end, though, it should be no one's business but your own. My mum always had a different name to me and it never occurred to me that it should be an issue. It didn't make her any less my mum! Ultimately, there are just more important issues in the world.
We need to stop trying to control women and focus on the stuff that matters!

The SheEO commented on 24-Jan-2012 01:59 PM

Melissa your post is really interesting - I'm going to be interested to find out what you end up going with for the bub's name... You could be like Anna Bligh and her (now) husband... I remember reading they were together for something like 20 years before
they eventually got married (quite recently) and as they weren't married when they had their kids (and I think never expected that they would marry) they decided that they preferred a completely neutral surname to either one of their own... so that's what
they did!

Support National Adoption Awareness Week -

Friday, November 11, 2011

This week is National Adoption Awareness Week (NAAW) and I must send a huuuuuuge thank you to Karen James at Women in Focus for inviting me to fundraising breakfast for NAAW yesterday... Not just any breakfast, of course, but I had the chance to share a table and breakfast with Deborrah-Lee Furness. Deborrah-lee is the founder and Patron of National Adoption Awareness Week (oh, and of course she's also the wife of Hugh Jackman!) and shared her views why adoption needs an overhaul. Read More

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The Superwoman Myth – and why it applies just as much to men as to women

Monday, October 31, 2011

“It seems that "having it all" - or, if you prefer, "doing it all" - is no longer a question of "can she?" or "can't she?". It is a fact of life”, says Rachel Hills in her weekend article in Sunday Life on The Superwoman Myth. Hot on the heels of Sarah-Jessica Parker’s new movie I Don’t Know How She Does It, Rachel allowed me to weigh in on the debate: do women want it all? My response? Read More

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Bringing men on the journey towards gender balance – 4 signs of hope!

Friday, October 21, 2011

I’ve long been pondering this question… and I’ve long observed that the only progress more glacial than the advancement of women into leadership roles is the journey of men towards enlightenment. However I've observed four things over the past fortnight that give me some hope that perhaps we're right on the cusp of some significant change: Read More

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Anonymous commented on 21-Oct-2011 02:49 PM

Like it. Love the school initiative!

Wendy Buckingham commented on 23-Oct-2011 10:48 AM

Great article. I think it is fabulous what is happening here and although the journey is slow and tough it is moving forward in many, if not all sections of our business and social society. On the question of parenting though, there needs to be a balance.
We have been saying for ages that children need to spend time with their fathers and fathers need to take more responsibility for care. But that cuts both ways, they also need a mother. We have to be careful that powerful career women don't let the pendulum
swing too far so they become "absent mothers" just as distant and irresponsible for their children as powerful career husbands can be. It's a delicate balancing act and one that needs the strength of a good partnership to work well without inequality or resentment.

The SheEO commented on 25-Oct-2011 10:36 AM

Great point Wendy, and I'm sure you see a lot of tell-tale signs in your coaching clients that there's still a lot of work we need to do as a society to ensure we're all directing our energies in the most appropriate directions. Thanks for your contribution,
which is insightful as always. Jen :-)

Anonymous commented on 25-Oct-2011 10:42 AM

We are seeing a social shift but it is potentially the start of a very dangerous shift. There is now a significant focus on reporting improved numbers of women in senior management and there is a visible push to recruit more women. All good so far…………….
but the problem is that I have seen dozens and dozens of instances where married men are being replaced by single women. Single women who have made it very clear that they are not the maternal types! Single women who have made it very clear that they are 24/7
careerists and they expect the same from everyone else. In my experience, the new sneerers of the part-time “walkers of shame” are overwhelmingly single women. Male and female parents are going to feel this shift. It will cost families. It does not bode well
for a balanced and truly diverse and respectful workforce. It will certainly not bring the benefits that a truly diverse workforce would bring.

The SheEO commented on 25-Oct-2011 10:45 AM

Oh dear, Anon, you're probably right. A bit of empathy can go a long way when it comes to our leaders - whatever their gender or marital status - even if I haven't first hand experience I always find it helpful to think "how would my sister/mum/brother/cousin
etc feel about this"... perhaps this is a simple step we could all practice in our leadership journeys...

“Mother guilt” at work… why I loath this term and why it’s time to do away with it!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

It could be just my interpretation, but I loath the term “mother guilt”. It seems to me that labels like this do nothing to support the self-confidence of mothers – and it’s certainly not a draw card for career-minded women deciding whether and when to embark on parenting. Read More

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Linda Anderson commented on 13-Oct-2011 03:19 PM

I love this post and especially your comment that this matters"Because the talent pipeline will continue to leak our best and brightest women if they can’t find a way to feel good about both their kids and their careers" I recently wrote a blog post questioning
if Mother Guilt was a social taboo ... something mums don't want to admit to experiencing because they fear the social backlash ... love your thoughts on this: http://www.mumsonthego.com.au/blog/is-mother-guilt-a-social-taboo/

Anonymous commented on 13-Oct-2011 03:24 PM

I agree with the sentiment of doing away with labels. The one that I hate is "motherhood statement". It implies that motherhood is meaningless and I think that we are in dangerous territory if as a society we start labelling mothering, fathering or parenting
(by working or non-working parents) as meaningless.

Ange commented on 13-Oct-2011 03:56 PM

I think the need for us to support each other - whatever our decision - is one of the most important factors in eliminating mother guilt. I can recall when my son's aunt took it upon herself to criticise me for working full time. She told me of all the
financial sacrifices she was making to stay at home with her kids and work part time. I was a single parent, desperately trying to escape the despair of a hand to mouth existence. I thought then, and still do, that it was great that she could work part time.
If I could have done so and also kept a roof over our heads, I likely would have done the same. But I couldn't. What this boils down to is that I made a choice. She made a choice. And neither of us was wrong. What is wrong, is deciding that what works for
you is best for others, criticising others choices and making them feel guilty. Women have enough to deal with, without having to fight off attacks from within our own ranks.

The SheEO commented on 13-Oct-2011 04:31 PM

Ange... thank you so much for sharing your story. You did make a choice - and in that choice you changed the life circumstances for yourself and your son. You also taught your son that you can choose your own destiny in life. He may well have had different
opportunities and a very different outlook on life if hadn't taken those hard decisions way back when. It took courage to go against the grain and expectations of your family and I really admire you for all you have achieved. Jen :-)

The SheEO commented on 13-Oct-2011 04:41 PM

Linda... great post! I think mums do fear the social backlash you wrote about... utter one word about how tough it is to be a parent today and get get a barrage of "you made your bed, you lie in it" comments thrown at you... And anon - agree - it's a slippery
slope. At least we can all support and inspire one another, if nothing else! Ken :-)

Kerren commented on 13-Oct-2011 10:48 PM

Mem Fox wrote an article for the Sunday Mail here not too long ago that was horrific to me on many levels least of all as my daughter loves her books. I will just share with you two of the highlights; child care is child abuse and the only reason for putting
a child there is so you can afford more pretty dresses. I am sure it must be nice to have such a wonderful talent as writing childrens books that allows you to stay at home, care for your child while still having a successful career. The rest of us live in
the real world.

Tony commented on 14-Oct-2011 09:01 AM

Jen insightful as always. "Mother Guilt" is not a helpful term. In the end, my view is the role of parenting is ensuring our children grow up to be meaningful contributors to society. There are many roads to this journey all of which have merit. We should
not feel guilty for our choices and not be concerned with the views of others. Support is important as well as personal resilience.

The SheEO commented on 18-Oct-2011 01:25 PM

Tony, thanks for your comments. Your final line is the clincher - "Support is important as well as personal resilience" - I couldn't agree more. And when you're feeling less resilient, the support becomes even more important. We all need to remember that.

The SheEO commented on 18-Oct-2011 01:58 PM

Kerren it's such a shame to hear your comments about Mem's article. Surely she realises that the very women she is denegrading are also one of her main customer groups? It's just a shame. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And now I think
my opinion of Mem Fox has been irreparably altered.

More stats about Men: Dads spend 25 per cent more family time when there's a son

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I remember my excitement during my pregnancy when I discovered I was having a son (and amazement, quite frankly, being from a family of 4 daughters and no sons!!!) My thinking was that with a son, my dear husband would be more likely to spend time with our new family member... and it seems there's now research to back up my hunch! Read More

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Competition, all-girl groups and the case for single-sex schooling

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Abbott’s nanny plan – can we all just calm down and get clear on the facts?

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Recognising mums of another stolen generation - Senate Committee releases Forced Adoption recommendations

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Q: I was also hoping you might have some advice on how to return to work and put children in care?

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Do 90 percent of women still change their name on marriage?

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Support National Adoption Awareness Week -

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The Superwoman Myth – and why it applies just as much to men as to women

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Bringing men on the journey towards gender balance – 4 signs of hope!

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“Mother guilt” at work… why I loath this term and why it’s time to do away with it!

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More stats about Men: Dads spend 25 per cent more family time when there's a son

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